“很多时候,你觉得自己可以改变另一半来帮助或拯救他/她。当你不再试图改变另一半的时候,你会觉得世界如此美好,甚至开始对这段恋情改观,这是因为你不再承受改变他/她的压力,开始关注自我了。”—婚姻和家庭治疗师丽莎·巴哈尔(Lisa Bahar)。
Moving in together too soon
闪电般同居
"People come to me for advice often because they had a whirlwind few dates, and moved in after a few months of dating. Having made that commitment, they then realize, more fully, who the other person is and they're not happy. Maybe he or she is too close with an ex, has kids that were never mentioned, has debt, is a freeloader, etc. Always wait a year before moving in together—at least. This may seem like a long time if you're madly in love, but living together and making a long-term relationship last has more to do with compatibility and shared values than it does chemistry." - April Masini, relationship and etiquette expert.
“总有人在约会几次或约会几个月闪电般同居后向我寻求建议。做出这一承诺后,他/她才逐渐了解对方的真实样子,并对此不甚满意。或许对方和前任走得太近,或许他/她从未提及自己有个孩子,或许他/她负债累累,再或者,他/她是那种白吃白喝的人。个人建议至少相处一年以后再同居。如果你们正处于热恋期,一年似乎十分漫长,但同居和建立长久的关系可不只关乎化学反应,更注重的是彼此是否能和睦共处,是否有相同的价值观。”—恋情和礼节专家埃普丽尔·玛希尼(April Masini)。
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