奥巴马白宫晚宴表演单口相声_演讲_双语阅读-查字典英语网

奥巴马白宫晚宴表演单口相声

I want to thank the White House Correspondents. Ed, you're doing an outstanding job. We are grateful for -- (applause) -- the great work you've done. To all the dignitaries who are here, everybody on the dais -- I especially want to say thank you to Ray Odierno, who does outstanding service on behalf of our country, and all our men and women in uniform every single day. (Applause.)

And of course, our extraordinary First Lady, Michelle Obama. (Applause.) Everybody loves Michelle. (Laughter.) She's on the cover of Vogue, high poll numbers. But don't worry -- I recently got my own magazine cover. (Laughter.)

Now, look, I get it. These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I'm not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be. (Laughter.) Time passes. You get a little gray. (Laughter.)

And yet, even after all this time, I still make rookie mistakes. Like, I'm out in California, we're at a fundraiser, we're having a nice time. I happen to mention that Kamala Harris is the best-looking attorney general in the country. (Laughter.) As you might imagine, I got trouble when I got back home. (Laughter.) Who knew Eric Holder was so sensitive? (Laughter and applause.)

And then there's the Easter Egg Roll, which is supposed to be just a nice, fun event with the kids. I go out on the basketball court, took 22 shots -- made two of them. (Laughter.) That's right: two hits, 20 misses. The executives at NBC asked, “What's your secret?” (Laughter and applause.)