我非常幸运的在一家康复中心工作,所以我可以看到那些因为上瘾而面临生与死的人。有时候这一切可以非常简单地归结为,他们最核心的创伤来自于他们父亲到死都未说过“他为他们而自豪”。但他们从所有其它家人或朋友那里得知,他的父亲告诉其他人为他感到自豪, 但这个父亲从没告诉过他儿子。 因为他不知道他的儿子需要听到这一切。
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
因此我的问题是,为什么我们不索求我们需要的东西呢? 我认识一个结婚25年的男士,他渴望听到他妻子说,“感谢你为这个家在外赚钱,这样我才能在家陪伴着孩子。” 但他从来不提出这样的要求。 我认识一个精于此道的女士。 每周一次,她见到丈夫后会说, “我真的希望你为我对这个家和孩子们付出的努力而感谢我。” 他会应和到“哦,真是太棒了,真是太棒了。” 赞扬别人一定要真诚, 但她对赞美也有责任。 一个从我上幼儿园就一直是朋友的叫April的人, 她会感谢她的孩子们做了家务。 她说:“为什么我不表示感谢呢,虽然他们本来就要做那些事情。”
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