1. Don't get into a relationship with an agenda.

1. 不要只是为了恋爱（议程）而恋爱。

People often stay in a relationship because of an agenda. An agenda is a belief that something needs to be a certain way for us to be "OK". For example: "I must be married by 30 yrs of age." When we have an agenda, it will often get in the way of the more beneficial decisions we would normally make.

很多人只是为了恋爱（议程）而恋爱。此处的议程是指：按照特定的方式去做某事，以确保自己是正常人。比如，"30岁之前我一定要结婚。"议程一旦制定，可能会阻碍我们做更有益的决定。

2. Open your eyes and be willing to see red flags.

2. 睁大你的双眼，看看这些危险信号吧。

I cannot tell you the number of people who have told me that they never saw the unhealthy qualities in the marriage or relationship until way down the line. We are talking sometimes years. They often report that the behavior "just showed up one day, out of the blue." The truth is that the behavior was there all the time but was ignored. "Love is blind" is not a helpful mantra when it conceals warning signs.

很多人都跟我说过，他们直到婚姻的尽头才看到婚姻或恋情中的不良行为。有时候是好几年。他们说这种行为"只是突然在某一天表现出来。"事实是，这一行为一直都在，只不过之前被忽略了。在隐藏警告迹象方面，"爱情是盲目的"这句口头禅并不实用。

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