谢丽尔·史翠德(Cheryl Strayed):我认为“灾难与你隔着一个宇宙”,如果你所谓的灾难意味着按照自己的欲望行事。正如我在《小而美的事情》(Tiny Beautiful Things)一书中所写的那样:“你不能伪造问题的核心。存在于那里的真相最终会取得胜利。”而你,放荡女人——在现在的这段关系中——正在伪造这个核心。所以让真相取得胜利吧。你爱你的男友,但你不喜欢你与他的关系给你带来的限制。你看到了和他在一起的未来,但你现在还想要很多其他男人。把这些真相告诉你的男友,看看这会带给你什么结果。可能是开放性的关系,可能是分手,也可能是你们俩开始讨论你们在性生活中真正渴望的东西,并且找到一种在维持一夫一妻的情况下获得它的办法。这种对话的价值不仅在于对伴侣诚实是好事,而且还因为,假装成你所不是的人,或者假装想要你不想要的东西,这是非常悲惨的。你现在所经历的这种痛苦很少会自行消失。在大多数情况下,只有两种方法。要么采取某种鲁莽的行为,最终导致灾难;要么实话实说。如果你有勇气做后者,那么从长远来看会好得多。
Steve Almond: I want to say a quick word about your signoff. In short: I think the adjective “wanton” is a patriarchal trap, one that has long been used to stigmatize (if not criminalize) feminine sexuality. Don’t fall for it. Your sexuality belongs to you and nobody else. Your job is to own it. That means, as Cheryl suggests, being honest about your desires. Policing yourself into silence is almost never a good idea. Our urges don’t go away because we ignore them, after all. They become spring-loaded with the force of our suppression. You need to speak with your wonderful boyfriend, the one you tell us is not the least bit jealous. But before you do that, I’d urge you to identify precisely what your desires are. Do you want to engage in sexual acts with other men? Or do you want to partake in the initial stages of the seduction? There are plenty of people in your situation — people who love their partners but also feel compelled to seek out erotic energy from other sources. There’s nothing more normal, frankly. The challenge for you is to be upfront about your urges. Deceit will curdle a happy relationship much quicker than a high-octane libido.
【我该如何抵御出轨的冲动?】相关文章:
最新
2019-01-07
2019-01-07
2019-01-07
2019-01-07
2019-01-07
2019-01-05