史蒂夫·阿尔蒙德(Steve Almond):我想简单谈谈你的署名。简而言之:我认为“放荡”这个词是一种父权制陷阱,长期以来,人们用这个词将女性的性能力污名化(如果不是为其定罪)。不要落入这个圈套。你的性能力属于你,而不是其他任何人。你要做的就是拥有它。这意味着,正如谢丽尔所说的,诚实地对待你的欲望。警惕地保持沉默基本上不是一个好主意。毕竟,冲动不会因为我们忽视它们就消失。在压迫的力量之下,它会变得好像弹簧一样。你需要和你那了不起的男朋友交流,你告诉我们,那个男人根本没有嫉妒心。但在你这样做之前,我会恳请你准确地界定自己的欲望。你想和其他男人发生性行为吗?或者你只想享受诱惑的初期阶段?很多人都和你处在同样的情况——他们爱自己的伴侣,但也被迫从其他来源寻求性能量。坦率地说,这再正常不过了。你面临的挑战是对自己的冲动坦诚。要终结一段幸福的关系,欺骗会比强烈的性欲来得更快。
CS: You already understand that it’s the “seductive dance” you crave rather than sex. Like Steve, I encourage you to examine that more deeply. What is that dance, after all, but a tremendous affirmation that one is attractive, longed for, temporarily powerful and possibly loved? Perhaps the sexual attention you receive from men serves as a proxy for your self-esteem. That was certainly true for me when I was in my 20s. Back then, I had what you have now: a man I loved and a profound desire for a multitude of other men to assure me that I was special by locking eyes with me across a room. I believed myself to be the label you’ve given yourself, Wanton Woman, but I now understand that I was wrong. I wasn’t wanton. I was famished. I had a hole to fill, and it wasn’t in my pants. In order to figure that out, I had to let go of the man I loved and eventually the throng of seductive men as well. Maybe that’s true for you, too. Your conundrum about the men in your life might only be answered once youmore fully solve the riddle of yourself.
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