"We can speculate that in such societies, people tend to believe that a woman lives together with her partner out of wedlock not because she doesn't want to marry him but because he doesn't want to marry her. The society's doubts in the commitment of her partner makes a cohabiting woman pitied and looked down upon, which could be detrimental for her self-esteem and psychological well-being regardless of her own perception of her partner's commitment."
Oy vey. Anecdotally, Friedman has experienced this condescending attitude towards single or unmarried women.
"Really great things happened to me in my life during this period when most people were kind of pitying me," she said of a being single -- a period during which her career took off, she took her dream vacation and her social life became more dynamic than ever. "But there was always this undercurrent of, 'Don't you want to meet someone?'"
This specific breed of patronizing led freelance writer Sara Eckel to pen a Modern Love column for the New York Times in 2011 (and eventually a fantastic book) on the topic, to explain to women what she says we essentially already know: that there's nothing to "fix" -- single women are fine as they are.
"I realized I was building up this resentment towards this condescension," she told HuffPost Women. "Because there was this very strong part of me that knew I'm just as good as married people."
And those fear-inducing headlines aren't helping.
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2020-09-15
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