“Whatever dating site you use, you ‘meet’ someone and immediately start fantasizing about them, because it can be more fun than reality,” says Bea Arthur, a mental health counselor and founder of Pretty Padded Room, an online therapy website. “I see people delaying meeting in person for as long as possible, although we know better.”
We should know better because relationships start to become solid after about five dates, says the therapist, while the first meeting is simply an initial interaction. Expectation is the root of the most disappointment in online dating, Arthur says. Are we afraid to burst the bubble of an attractive online persona?
“People delay and accelerate the meeting up to extend or dispel the fantasy,” continues Arthur. “When we are single, there's only our imagination of our next partner, but it's very difficult to actually confront the variable of another person and their effect on you, so the transition can be difficult.”
Our fears and motives surrounding online dating stem from personal experience; for example, experienced daters may intuitively know to rule out a bad fit right away, while experienced, jaded daters may want to “drag out the dream a little longer.”
4. Technology mobilizes the LGBT community.
Tara*, 25, a writer from New York City, waited for years to break the cultural barriers her traditional family posed around coming out about her sexual orientation. Like 43 percent of LGBT young adults, she found enough comfort in a supportive online community to do it, gradually.
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