Finally, you need to change the dynamic.
最后,你还得改变动力的方向。
Even the best of intentions – including an agreement with your colleague to turn over a new leaf – can quickly disintegrate if you fall back into your old patterns. To write down a transcript of what was said by each party, so you can begin to see patterns – where you were pushing and she was pulling. Over time, it's likely that you'll be able to better grasp the big picture of how you're relating to each other and areas where you can try something different.
即使是最好的意图——包括与同事执行协议的下一步,如果你重蹈覆辙的话,之前的努力还只是无用功。记下每一个小组的发言,你就可以了解他们的思维模式——你就知道该从何下手。久而久之,你就能形成一个与大部分人相处的画面,并且你想尝试的方向也会有所不同。
We often imagine that our relationships are permanent and fixed – I don't get along with him because he's a control freak, and that's not likely to change. But we underestimate ourselves, and each other. It's true that you can't give your colleagues a personality transplant and turn them into entirely different people; we all have natural tendencies that emerge. But clearly understanding the dynamics of the relationship – and making changes to what's not working – can lead to markedly more positive results.
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