First, you and your partner are so smitten that you doubt the honeymoon period will ever end, and before you know it, you find yourselves sitting in front of a couples' therapist. Where did it go wrong? The longer you stay with someone, the more assumptions you make: "Well, I'm sure they know how much I love them by now" and "They should know how I feel or what I think at this point." Though that's true to some degree, he or she is not psychic (unless they are) and communication is still very much vital to a relationship at any stage. When we stop sharing our concerns, needs, and feelings with our partners, that's when things start to fall off.
刚开始,你和另一半如胶似漆,你甚至觉得你们的蜜月期永远不会结束,但在你意识到之前,你们俩就已经坐在夫妻治疗师面前了。到底是哪里出错了呢?与某人待在一起的时间越久,你就越容易假设:"我相信,到现在为止,他/她肯定知道我有多爱他/她"或是"在一起这么久了,他/她应该知道我的感受、我的想法了。"虽然在某种程度上,这么想是对的,但他/她又不会通灵(除非他们会的话),而恋情的任何阶段,沟通都至关重要。当我们不再与另一半分享我们的担忧、需要和感受时,事情就开始变质了。
"I think the main one is that we forget that we're teammates," said relationship coach Tara Caffelle when asked what the most common mistake she sees couples make. "I'll talk to one member of a couple, and we'll come up with some brilliant discovery, and then they'll say, 'Do you think I should tell my partner about this?' and that's when I wanna smack them on the head and go, 'Well, of course you do!' "
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