9. Ask purposeful questions.
询问有意义的问题
Questions elicit answers. The kind of questions you ask will steer the direction of the conversation. To have a meaningful conversation with the other person, ask meaningful questions. Choose questions like, “What drives you in life?”, “What are your goals for the next year?” and “What inspired you to make this change?” over “What did you do yesterday?” and “What are you going to do later?”.
问题会引出答案。你问的问题代表着谈话的方向。要想和他人有有意义的谈话,就得问有意义的问题。可以选择这样的问题,如“在生活中什么事情激励着你前行?”,”你明年的目标是什么?”以及“什么让你做出这样的改变?”,而不是问“昨天你做了什么?”、“一会儿你要做什么?”
Some people may not be ready to take on conscious questions, and that’s fine. Start off with the simple, trivial, everyday questions as you build a rapport. Then, get to know the person better through deeper, more revealing questions—when you think the person is ready to share.
有些人可能不想回答意识层面的问题,没关系。从简单、琐碎的、日常的问题开始,逐步建立关系。然后,通过进一步、更加揭露性的问题来更好地了解对方——当你认为对方已经愿意分享时。
10. Give and take.
给予和接受
Sometimes people say pretty weird stuff during conversations. For example, a critical comment here and there, a distasteful remark, and a bad joke. Don’t judge them for those comments; treat these blurts as Freudian slips. Usually I just laugh or shrug it off; it makes for funny conversation banter.
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