4. The Big One
终极大杀器
While the 3 secrets above can help you to avoid or get out of an uncomfortable conversation with a difficult person, there is one secret that can truly change your relationship with that person in your life: that secret is, that they are human, and are dealing with their own issues and their own crap that they’re bringing to the table.
前三种方法能帮你避免、或逃离和这类人的谈话,而现在我们要说的,则是能彻底改变你和此类人关系的终极大杀器!这就是:无论如何,他们也是人,他们也有烦恼和弱点!
Their difficult behaviors are benefiting them in some way that helps them deal with those issues, and most of the time their behavior has nothing to do with you.
为了解决自己的问题,他们的言行从某种程度上来讲,与他们自身有益。而且,绝大多数时候,他们这样做,和你并没有多大关系。
A person might feel more secure when they are bullying someone or controlling others, or they might feel a sense of importance when they’re getting a lot of attention—even negative attention. They might try to gain a sense of belonging by playing the victim and getting others to help them, or someone who’s inflicting hurt and provoking hostility might be trying to protect his own sense of identity.
有的人在欺负、控制别人的时候,会因为获得关注(即使是负面关注)而觉得自己更重要、更有安全感。而有的人需要扮演被害者的角色,才能得到别人的帮助;有的人表面看上去既脆弱又带有敌意,不外乎是为了保全自己的存在感。
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