To my astonishment, I’ve so far resisted these impulses. Can I rely on my moral compass forever, or am I one Cosmo away from disaster? Should I bring up the shocking and destabilizing possibility of an open relationship in the context of my monogamous relationship, or do I simply police myself in silence? Do I seek therapy or catharsis? Is this even normal?
令我惊讶的是,到目前为止,我一直抵制着这些冲动。我可以永远信赖自己的道德指南针吗,还是灾难与我隔着一个宇宙?在一夫一妻的前提下,我是否应该提出关于开放式关系的建议,引入那种令人震惊和破坏稳定的可能性,还是应当警惕地保持沉默?我是否应当寻求心理治疗或宣泄?这是否正常?
Wanton Woman
放荡女人
Cheryl Strayed: I think you’re “one Cosmo away from disaster,” if by disaster you mean acting upon your desires. As I wrote in my book “Tiny Beautiful Things”: “You can’t fake the core. The truth that lives there will eventually win out.” And you, Wanton Woman — right now, in this relationship — are faking it. So let the truth win out. You love your boyfriend, but you loathe the constraints that your relationship with him places upon you. You see a future with him, but you want a lot of other men in your present. Tell your boyfriend these truths and see where it leads you. It could be an open relationship, it could be a breakup, or it could be that the two of you talk about what you truly long for in your erotic lives and you find a way to get it while remaining monogamous. The value of such a conversation isn’t only that it’s a good idea to be honest with your partner, but also because it’s miserable to pretend to be or want something that you aren’t or don’t. The sort of agony you’reexperiencing right now seldom disappears on its own. In most cases, there are only two ways out of it. You either bring about disaster by some manner of reckless behavior, or you tell the truth. You’ll be so much better off in the long run if you find the courage to do the latter.
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