加州帕洛阿尔托市(Palo Alto)的心理学家安娜•拉涅利(Anna Ranieri)说,男人和女人在从伴侣那儿接受建议时一般会产生不同的情感。当妻子们提供指导意见时,丈夫们常常会觉得受到了训斥或遭遇了唠叨。然而当建议从丈夫──他们更易提出切实可行的、旨在解决问题的建议──口中说出时,妻子们会觉得自己被他看不起或被视为无能,这种情况很常见。拉涅利也是《我能帮上什么忙?在给遇见问题的朋友、同事或家庭成员出主意时你能做的(和不能做的)一些事》一书的合着者。
Just ask Claude and Kate Colp about the 'onion incident.' The couple, who have been married three years and live in Wayland, Mass., used to enjoy cooking dinner together after work. One day, Ms. Colp was cutting an onion for salsa, happily chatting away, when her husband grabbed the knife and told her she was doing it wrong─making slices instead of dices. He finished the chopping, explaining his technique. 'It was very harsh,' says Ms. Colp, 31, an account manager for a corporate wellness program. 'He took the knife as if I was an idiot.' Mr. Colp, 32, who recently finished his M.B.A., explains: 'I know a superior way to cut an onion. I was taught by a chef.'
只要问一问克劳德(Claude)和凯特•考尔普(Kate Colp)有关“洋葱事件”的来龙去脉,你就能明白我说的意思。这对已经结婚三年的夫妇现居马萨诸塞州韦兰市(Wayland),他们过去常常在工作结束后便一起下厨做饭。有一天,为制作辣调味汁做准备的考尔普太太一边切着洋葱一边愉快地聊着天,这时她的丈夫抓起了那把刀,告诉他的妻子,她现在做得不对──-洋葱应该切成片儿而不是丁儿。考尔普先生一边解释着自己的刀工技艺一边完成了切洋葱的活儿。考尔普太太说:“那太严苛了。”现年31岁的考尔普太太是一项企业员工安康项目的客户经理,她说:“他夺走了那把刀,就好像我是个白痴一样。”考尔普先生则解释道:“我知道一种更好的切洋葱的方法,那可是一位大厨教给我的。”现年32岁的他刚刚完成了自己的M.B.A.学业。
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