When one partner is outside his or her comfort zone, arguments can heat up quickly. This person might be terrified─and, really, is there anyone less empathetic than a spouse who doesn't share your sense of danger? 'The other person feels inept and less-than,' Dr. Kirschner says. 'This kind of negative thinking spills into conflict and distance in the relationship.'

当一方处于他或她的舒适区外时，争吵很快就会升温。他或她可能会觉得惊恐──确实如此，当你的配偶不能分担你的危机感时，世上还有比这位伴侣更不善解人意的人吗？科斯切纳说：“另一方则会认为自己无能为力。这种负面想法会渗透到两者关系中，造成冲突和距离。”

Luckily, there's an easy solution: Applause. The proficient partner needs to heap praise on the newbie for his or her effort. ('What a fantastic partner you are to come along. I really appreciate it.') The newbie, meanwhile, needs to amp up the admiration for the proficient partner's skill. ('The way you skied that black diamond was amazing!')

幸运地是，有一种简便易行的解决办法：夸奖。身为老手的这一方需要向新手那方所付出的努力大加赞赏。（“你是多么棒的一个搭档啊，我很感激你的参与和陪伴。”）与此同时，新手这边则需加倍夸赞老手娴熟的技能。（“你用黑钻滑板滑雪的样子太惊艳了！”）

'Those words mean a lot,' Dr. Kirschner says. 'Men, because they are so achievement-oriented, seem to respond to them even more than women.' There's no predicting, though, whether men or women are better at being the newbie.

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