阿菲菲博士说,人们透露秘密的方式通常有五种。当我们认为对方会是消极的反应时,我们会更有可能间接地暗示,比如通过第三方转达。我们可能会提前彩排,或者背地里希望秘密会泄露出去。有时我们会循序渐进地告诉对方,一开始只说出一部分以判断对方的反应。
We might use a hypothetical scenario ('What would you think if this happened . . .') or pretend the secret belongs to someone else ('My co-worker, John, has this secret . . .'). Sometimes we are angry and wait for the heat of the moment to blurt the secret out, a strategy Dr. Afifi calls 'entrapment.'
我们可能会假设某种情形,比如“如果发生这种事……你会怎么想”,或者假装秘密是别人的,比如“我的同事约翰有一个秘密……”。有时我们会生气,等到气头上将秘密脱口而出,阿菲菲博士称之为“将计就计”战略。
And then there is the most direct method: We just tell it, calmly. It's important to explain to the other person why we are telling them the secret, says Anita Vangelisti, professor of communication studies at the University of Texas at Austin, who researches secrets. Say, 'I am telling you this because I care about our relationship' or 'I trust you with this information.'
还有就是最直接的方法:平静地说出来。得克萨斯大学奥斯汀分校(University of Texas at Austin)研究秘密的传播学教授安妮塔・万杰利斯蒂(Anita Vangelisti)说,很重要的一点是向对方解释为何要告诉他们这个秘密,比如“我告诉你这个秘密是因为我在乎我们的关系”,或者“我相信你会为我保密”。
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