Rule 1: Only Say Yes if You Mean It
法则1:想借再借
If you feel guilt-tripped into making the loan by the asker (“I’m desperate!”) or you question your own hesitation (“I must be a bad person or I wouldn’t feel conflicted”), then turn her down, says Levine.
莱文表示,如果你因为愧疚才借款给请求者(“我走投无路了!”)或质疑自己的犹豫不决(“我一定是个坏人,否则我就不会这么矛盾了”),那么就选择拒绝。
If you do cough up the cash when you aren’t sure you want to, you risk feeling resentful, and that can cripple the relationship before it’s even time for her to repay you. Not going through with the loan doesn’t make you selfish or a bad friend; the response may actually protect your bond, she adds.
如果你在不确定是否想要借钱时勉强借钱给对方,那么你很可能会感到愤懑不满,这种感觉甚至会在借款人还款前就摧毁你们间的友谊。莱文补充道,不借钱不意味着你很自私或是一个不合格的朋友,正确的回应才能真正维护你们间的感情。
Levine suggests graciously declining with a sentiment like, “I’d really like to help, but I don’t have the extra money to loan right now.” If you feel like you need to explain further, mention an unexpected expense you were recently hit with, such as higher health insurance premiums, or something you have to save for, like your kids’ college education.
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