THEY ATTACK YOUR CHARACTER VS. COMPLAINING ABOUT SPECIFIC THINGS.
他们攻击你的性格VS抱怨具体的事情。
Most couples have had disagreements when one person yells at the other for not doing the dishes or forgetting to take out the trash, but some spouses criticize their partners more broadly. "Saying 'it bothers me when you forget to take out the trash' is a complaint about something specific that a partner can immediately address," explains Weena Cullins, a marriage and family therapist. But saying "'you're just so lazy. What is wrong with you?' is a criticism that attacks a person's character and may be too vague to easily address." And those kind of generalized digs - either in public or in the privacy of your - can be considered emotionally abusive because they can chip away at a person's self-esteem. Getting consistent negative messages like that, especially from someone who's supposed to love and respect you, can reduce your confidence and lower your sense of worth - and can make you less likely to leave a toxic situation.
大多数情侣意见不合时,一方会冲另一方大叫,说他们没有洗碗或忘记带垃圾出门,但有些情侣则是泛泛地批评另一半。"说'你老是忘带垃圾出门,我真的很苦恼'是针对具体事情的抱怨,另一半能很快解决,"婚姻和家庭治疗师维娜·卡琳斯解释道。但说"'你真是太懒了,你到底有什么毛病啊?'则攻击了他们的性格,而且也太过广泛、不容易解决。"而这些泛泛地嘲讽--无论是公共的还是隐私的--都可以被当做情感施虐,因为这些嘲讽会消磨掉一个人的自尊心。总是收到那样的负面信息会打击你的自信、降低你的价值感,甚至让你不太容易离开负面消极的环境--尤其是本该爱你、尊敬你的人说出这些信息时。
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