结构点评:此段是1+4模式,即第1句是主体句,后接4句支持句!!!
语言方面:红色出为采用的套句。作者选择用套句引出主题句(这种方式在雅思考试中的确比较实用)。但是这句表达的不够好(果然作文不是我教,呵呵)。应改为:The point on top of the list for my propensity is that petting animals may require a spate of spare time. 此外:a dog needs to ... a man needs to...最后两句不知道作者想说什么,内容上有些重复和空洞,表达的不清楚!!!
Another factor we cannot neglect is that a part of pet can be the right hands and left of the person who has a bodily disfigurement.For example,the dog can help the blind cross a street and others which they cant do by themselves.If there were no these pets in the world,they would not live alone. Actually,they are very useful,arent they?Why not to pet them?
点评:由于写的很差,所以就简单的评几句。看了正文段第2段,我大致已经了解了作者的水平了。在具体举例说明和分析自己分论点的时候,作者表现出了语言功底的不足!!!套句以外的句子都写的很空洞,没有具体内容(可能是因为具体的内容不知道用英语怎么表达)。即使写出来得句子,也含有很多语法错误!!!词汇也很单一。以下是大致按照作者的意义改写而成的:
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