在六项追踪100对夫妇头七年婚姻生活的一系列研究中,爱荷华大学(University of Iowa)的研究人员发现,当配偶给对方提出的建议过多而不是过少时,接受建议的那一方──不管是丈夫还是妻子──都会觉得婚姻的满意度较低。然而,令人惊讶的是,主动给别人提出建议是最具损害性的。最新的这项研究发表在2009年的《家庭心理学期刊》(Journal of Family Psychology)上。
In one study, the researchers videotaped spouses discussing a problem that one of them had─say a struggle to lose weight or quit smoking─while the other partner offered advice. They then examined the positive and negative behaviors that each person engaged in while asking for support, receiving it or providing it.
在一项研究中,工作人员用摄像机将夫妻俩讨论一方身上具有的问题──比如说努力减肥或戒烟──而另一方则就此给出建议的情形录了下来。然后,研究人员查看了这些夫妻在寻求支持、接受帮助或提供支持的时候,他们每一个人参与其中作出的积极和消极行为。
One result of the study was unexpected: How the person asking for or receiving the support behaves is more important to the health of the relationship than how the person giving the advice behaves. 'It's a vulnerable position to need support,' says Erika Lawrence, one of the lead researchers on the studies and associate professor at the University of Iowa.
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