和矛盾修辞法的另一个例子“活死人”一样,现今,“配偶兼朋友”在我们周遭颇为常见。也许是因为友谊在社交媒体上受到高度关注;也许是因为生活中真正的朋友正在远去;也许是因为我们都有了把曾经私密的关系公诸于众的渠道。不论是什么原因,把配偶称为bestie(死党)、bud(朋友)或#BFF(一生的挚友)这种情况堪称泛滥。
So rampant, in fact, there’s even a backlash. “Why Your Spouse Shouldn’t Be Your Best Friend” one marital advice blog declares.
泛滥到了招致反弹的程度。“为什么说你的配偶不应该是你最好的朋友”,一个婚姻咨询博客以这样的标题表明态度。
So which is it? Is considering your spouse your closest friend a sign of hard-earned intimacy, attachment and trust, or is it a sign you’ve become so enmeshed in the day-to-day logistics of managing your lives that you’ve given up sexual attraction, passion and erotic play? Has marriage become little more than benefits with friendship?
那么,这到底是怎么回事?把配偶当成最亲密的朋友是标志着来之不易的亲密、依恋和信任,还是标志着你忙于应对日常生活中的柴米油盐,无暇顾及性吸引、激情和夫妻间的情趣?婚姻带来的好处已经和友谊相差无几了吗?
There is some research into this question. John Helliwell is a professor at the Vancouver School of Economics and the editor of the World Happiness Report. As he researched social connections a few years ago, he found that everyone derives benefits from online friends and real-life friends, but the only friends that boost our life satisfaction are real friends.
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