There’s yet another problem with calling your husband or wife your best friend. The words mean totally different things.
把丈夫或妻子称为最好的朋友还有一个问题。这些词的含义截然不同。
Peter Pearson and Ellyn Bader are founders of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California, and the authors of “Tell Me No Lies.” They’ve also been married for more than 30 years. Pearson said there’s a critical difference between a best friend and a spouse. “One of the criteria for a best friend is you feel unconditionally accepted,” he said. “Do I care if my buddy Mark is messy in the kitchen, leaves his bathroom a shambles and doesn’t pay his income taxes?”
彼得·皮尔森(Peter Pearson)和埃琳·巴德(Ellyn Bader)是加州门洛帕克伴侣研究所(Couples Institute)的创始人,以及《别对我撒谎》(Tell Me No Lies)一书的作者。他们俩还是结婚三十年多年的老夫老妻。皮尔森说最好的朋友和配偶之间有一个关键的差别。“最好的朋友的一个标准是无条件认同,”他说。“如果我的朋友马克把厨房搞得盆朝天碗朝地,把洗手间弄得一团糟,还不缴纳所得税,我会在乎吗?”
But with a spouse, he said, you can’t avoid these topics.
但他说,要是面对配偶,你就无法避免这些话题。
Bader said that when couples are just getting to know each other, they often say they’re companions, and she’s fine with that. When couples have been together 30, 40 or 50 years, they use similar language, and that can be the mark of a healthy relationship.
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2020-09-15
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