Instead of complaining, we should view this new phase as an achievement: “OK, now I have this person I’m attached to. I have the feeling of security. That’s what allows me to be an individual again and self-actualize.”
我们不应该抱怨,而是应该把这个新阶段看作一种成就:“好了,我现在拥有了我迷恋的这个人。我有了安全感。这让我可以重新变成独立的人,专注于自我实现。”
Levine summarizes this feeling with the (somewhat awkward) acronym CARRP; your partner is consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable. But don’t we already have a word, “spouse,” that fits this description? I said. Why are we suddenly using the expression “best friend,” when that doesn’t seem to fit at all?
列文把这种感觉总结为(有点别扭的)首字母缩略词CARRP;你有一个持久(consistent)、有空(available)、有反应(responsive)、可靠(reliable)、可预测(predictable)的伴侣。但我们不是已经有了与该描述相符的“配偶”一词了吗?我说。我们为什么突然用起了“最好的朋友”这种说法,看上去一点都不搭。
“Because not every spouse provides that,” he said, “and we’re indicating we don’t take it for granted. What we should probably be saying is ‘secure spouse.'”
“因为并非每位配偶都能提供这个,”他说,“我们想要表达的是我们并未将其视作理所当然。我们或许应该使用‘令人安心的配偶’这种说法。”
【配偶应该成为你最好的朋友吗】相关文章:
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