来自阿肯色州小岩城的婚姻与家庭咨询师贝基·惠茨通说,永远不要对伴侣说这句话,或者,即使这样说了,也不要让他们认为你真这么想。了解他人的情绪或想法是不可能的,所以这样的假设留给你自己就好。
“These statements are aggravating because your spouse knows that what you're accusing them of is not true,” she said. “What you're saying suggests you don't think very highly of your S.O. It's a double dose of pain in one sentence.”
她说:“这样的话容易激化矛盾,因为对方认为你的指责不实。并且,你说的话表明你对对方的评价不高。所以,这句话包含了双重伤害。”
4. “Do I look like I've put on weight?”
“我是不是胖了?”
“What you really mean by asking this is, 'I know I've put on weight. I'm unhappy about how I look and I need you to say that you're OK with my current state.'” she said. “These types of questions are all about side-stepping personal responsibility, plus they force your partner into an enabling role,” said Robyn Wahlgast, a dating and relationship coach for women.
“你问这句话的真正意思是'我知道我体重增加了,我不满意我的样子,我需要你说你对我的现状很满意'。回答这些问题都不是必要的个人责任,而且这种问题相当于在逼迫伴侣去发挥激励你的作用,”女性约会和恋爱辅导师萝宾·沃尔葛斯特如是说。
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