评判别人或是说别人的坏话就像是沉溺于过期的甜品,当你在做的时候感觉很好,但随后你就会感到内疚和厌恶。反社会者会在刻薄中感到真正的快乐。但对于我们剩余的人来说,批判别人(即使是私底下或者我们自己说)是一种坏习惯,会让我们自我感觉良好。不幸的是,事实并不是这样。它只是制造了一个消极的漩涡。
6. Complaining.
6. 抱怨
Complaining is troubling, as well as the attitude that precedes it. Complaining is a self-reinforcing behavior. By constantly talking -- and therefore thinking -- about how bad things are, you reaffirm your negative beliefs. While talking about what bothers you can help you feel better, there’s a fine line between complaining being therapeutic and it fueling unhappiness. Beyond making you unhappy, complaining drives other people away.
和前面的几种态度一样,抱怨让人烦恼。抱怨是一种自我强化的表现,通过不停地说和想事情有多么的坏,你重申了自己的消极信念。谈论困扰你的事情可以让你感觉好一些,这和抱怨被治疗有微妙的区别,后者助长了不快乐。除了让你不开心,抱怨也会让其他人远离你。
7. Impressing.
7. 给人留下好印象
People will like your clothes, your car, and your fancy job, but that doesn’t mean they like you. Trying to impress other people is a source of unhappiness, because it doesn’t get to the source of what makes you happy -- finding people who like you and accept you for who you are. All the things you acquire in the quest to impress people won’t make you happy either. There’s an ocean of research that shows that material things don’t make you happy. When you make a habit of chasing things, you are likely to become unhappy because, beyond the disappointment you experience once you get them, you discover that you’ve gained them at the expense of the real things that can make you happy, such as friends, family, and taking good care of yourself.
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