戴夫去世几个星期后,我和我的朋友菲尔谈论一场要父亲参加的亲子活动。戴夫不在了,我们只好找别人代替他。我哭着对他说:“但我只想要戴夫。”菲尔搂住我说:“A计划不行了,将就将就用B计划吧。”
We all at some point live some form of option B. The question is: What do we do then?
我们总会碰到不尽如人意只能用B计划的时候,问题是:该怎么面对?
As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship. The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.
可能有点硅谷的职业病吧,我想说走出挫折也要科学对待。心理学家马丁•塞利格曼(Martin Seligman)研究几十年后发现,从苦难中振作起来关键是做到三点——不要过分自责(personalization)、不要过分解读( pervasiveness)以及不要以为伤痛永远不褪(permanence)。挺过生活中一次次打击,才能慢慢磨炼出韧性。
The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault. This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.
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